He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
