Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
His hands were made for my vagina.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
