Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
