I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
