Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
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I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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