good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
