I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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