On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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