i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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