Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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