Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
