your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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