Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
