clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
