i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
