I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
