i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
