Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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