I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
