i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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