the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
