that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
