Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
