All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
