So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
