is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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