I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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