if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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