Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
