Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
