Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
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Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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