I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
