Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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