My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
