About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
