i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
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that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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