nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
