At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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