News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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