If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
