Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
