Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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