don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
