y did u give ur computer a hand job?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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