1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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