people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
