The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
