so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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