Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
