We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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