im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
