I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
