I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
