I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
where am i from again
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
