OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
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Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
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We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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