I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
