so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
