You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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