even my farts smell like vagina
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
