Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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