You smell like stripper and shame
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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