He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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