I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you had me at cake vodka
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
